Definition.

Webter's defines love as the following:

"Strong affection for another arising out of kinship or personal ties."

It is something we learn about, experience, share, and reciprocate our entire lives. It is something that I thought I understood well, and maybe I partially understand it. I've always thought I was good at loving on others. However, receiving love has been a totally different story for me.

For the first time in my life I'm letting love in, feeling it, experiencing it. What a crazy, amazing thing it is. I am truly blessed to have a tight knit inner circle that truly cares and loves me, and is willing to stand with me through everything I'm going through. I don't even know what to say....it's just so beautiful.

Realize.

"And that's the problem with people who mean everything they say. They think everyone else does too." 

-K. Hoesini

Do you ever have those days that are going great, you're happy, the sun is shining, and it's just generally wonderful and then suddenly one little thing happens. Not even unexpected, but it just hits you hard and sends you spiraling? It really makes you think, and gets you emotional. I've had a few of those lately but tonight was definitely the worst.

It's been a variety of things all surrounding the concept of friends.

I'm friends with a lot of different people, and I'm there for them no matter what. Drunk, brokenhearted, sick as a dog. No judgement or anger. They know it, and appreciate the fact.

However, I'm finding now that the tables are turned, many of them have run for the hills, aside from a small group. They're ignore me, or pointedly avoid me. And it sucks. It hurts a lot....and I guess that means there's going to have to be some change....or maybe some learning. Because nothing I feel or they do will ever make me care about them less, but I can't keep expecting different from them and spiraling when I don't get it.

I'm not really sure where I'm going with this right now or why I felt the need to share it, but I did. So I am. There's going to be a lot of thinking done, and it's probably a good thing that I've got spring break to really separate from everything and everyone to really think and clear my head.

Family Motto.

My family has always had this saying that they have impressed upon all of us grandchildren since birth. It's something that my grandparents, mom, dad, step-dad, aunt, uncle, cousins, and sister firmly believe, as far as I can tell anyways. I, on the other hand, completely hate it.

"Makes friends with people who are smarter than you, that way the more time you spend with them, the more it rubs off on you, and the better off you are."

Initially, this makes sense. At a surface level view, who would honestly disagree with this? Everyone wants to be smarter or better off.

Except my family takes it a lot more personally than that. It's something that is to be lived out, a qualification to be met. That's where I have big issues with it.

Let's start with the basics. If we were all to only befriend those who are smarter than us, we aren't going to have many friends because those that I would want to befriend (based on this thought) will have no interest in me. My life would be pretty lonely and dark if I didn't have the people who have offered me their hand to help me up, and to help me learn in my life.  And that's just the selfish facet of the issue, because it extends so far beyond personal gain.

Not only would we all be pretty lonely in life, but we would all be pretty damn stuck. Forward progress is impossible without learning, sharing, and action occurring at every "level" of intelligence. Humans were created to learn and grow from each other. If I become so wrapped up in my own advancement that I refuse to see and acknowledge those who I can help, I have failed as a human being. A speaker at the relationship presentation I attended said it best, "Our first responsibility, as humans, is to humanity."

Call me crazy, and trust me- my family does frequently. But I don't think you're living unless you're experiencing both giving and receiving directly. There is a natural ebb and flow to this, sometimes need to get more than you are capable of giving, hell, I'm there now. But in time, when you're ready, you start giving others what you learned in your time of need, or maybe just back to giving how you had been. A part of being gifted with knowledge is being tasked with educating others with it.

"You have not lived until you have done something for someone who can never repay you."

- John Bunyon.

Hi.

Usually I try to explain a lot about my back story when I start a new blog, but I just don't feel like it. I don't live there anymore. Really all you need to know is I'm working on making myself better, on loving myself, and valuing who I am. This is just one way I'm trying to help myself.

To be honest, this might get really raw. It might not be pretty. It might not make much sense. That's ok.

I chose the title Intimate. because of a presentation I attended earlier this week, about relationships of any kind- friendship, dating, family, professional, and even self. One speaker touched on intimacy, about how it means so much more than physical relations. It's being being open and sharing yourself, your fears, desires, strengths, weaknesses, etc. with someone, including yourself. This is something that I think I definitely need to improve on, so I'm going to attempt it in this fashion.

I don't know what this is all going to look like, if I'll keep up with it, or how frequent I'll post. Let's just see what happens.