Strong.

strong (strɒŋ) — adj , stronger , strongest- involving or possessing physical or mental strength; solid or robust in construction; not easily broken or injured; having a resolute will or morally firm and incorruptible character; intense in quality; not faint or feeble: a strong voice ; a strong smell; easily defensible; incontestable or formidable.

With everything that I’ve been dealing with in the last 6 months, I have repeatedly been told that I’m strong. I’m strong for dealing with these things, for not running away, for doing things that scare me, and a hundred other reasons. I know that the people who are telling me this say it because they’re proud of me, because they support me, because they care, but I honestly don’t think I’ve ever heard a phrase that frustrated me more than that has now.

If I were strong, I wouldn’t be dealing with any of this. If I were strong, I wouldn’t have broken. None of this would have transpired. More than anything, this feels weak.

I don’t show my frustration or anger because that wouldn’t be fair, but I wish people could understand, could feel how much hearing that hurts. It’s almost an insult, and it stings.

If anything, what I used to be was strong. I put up walls. I ignored emotions and problems for years. I focused everything on everyone else because they were far more worth my time than I was.

As incomplete as this feels, I don't know what else to say.